ENKINDLER

Believing that something is wrong with me has caused a deep and tenacious suffering. This suffering has emerged as crippling self judgments and conflicts in my personal relationships, in my addictions , in loneliness and at times overwork. This has kept me constricted, confused, and unfulfilled.

I am accepting that my heart has the ability to recognize self hatred and turn this into love of all living things, ultimately bringing wholeness to our ever changing world.

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Last night I had a very intense vivid recurring dream. I was on Apache tribal lands. I was being dressed as a warrior and being prepared to fight another warrior. I was being dressed  by a very attractive topless female who knew how to use the weapons. WE were next to a very hot fire. She showed me how to hold the knives. They were very claw-like weapons. She said these are our sacred instruments and they will protect you. I looked at them and they were shaped like Eagle claws. Before I could speak a Shaman spoke to me and said…these are the claws of an Eagle… Use them wisely.

As I exited the tent area….I saw the warrior I was to fight. I was terrified, he was fierce and seemed to know how to use the weapons with skill and fluidity. As I looked at him I had compassion on him, the Shaman heard my thoughts and said, you have passed the first test……..to look upon another human with intent to kill is a serious thing, you should respect and honor that.

Then my father spoke to me and said son, use the flat-foot defense position and you will do well. As I walked out onto the circle the warrior had his back to me. I immediately cut my arms and head, so that I would be covered in my own blood to look  intimidating. The Shaman said, Blood is life….Do your best. When the warrior turned around… he looked just like myself. Before we could fight I awoke. Then had the same dream once more upon falling asleep. I woke up very dehydrated and covered in sweat. I was crying as I woke. Wailing actually.

When I awoke the second time I had a strong desire to find this place.

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In this stage you may feel upset

and a little weak in the
knees

and we never know everything all at once

and  we can never go back

all you need is all around you

reflections of the sun

casting shadows on the deep

reflections of the
moon

leading us through tall trees

I know when I see a Queen

take the cup

and drink with me

set yourself free at the crossroads of belief

and accept
duality

freedom is found in the gray of polarity

and rest is magic
up to you and me

we are the children

of our mother’s best intentions

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What I want is so far away… so far away from here.

Could what I want be nearer than I thought before?

Is there a secret door?

Maybe nothing might be something… maybe something more?

All of the beautiful ones seem to flow in abundance

amidst their shackles of fame

Everybody’s winning a game that we can’t all win.

What limits us is only the dream of others and the grand mind of greed

and lust that drives our dreams undercover…

and we crave to cradle the dreams of another.

Yet when an unknown isolated manipulator of words

becomes accepted in the chaos of the great illusion…

they will come running in herds

all dancing to the Pied Piper’s dream unkempt

and soon the dreamers will become the dreamt.

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Closed my eyes to receive the Devil’s prick

Mainline to my heart, drained me to the quick

Ingested the tired, tried, and the sick

Sleeping where the shadows hide

spiraling down while entropy resides

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You held my heart up high to the heavens, only to have it break and spill all over. Now I must pick it up and seek the healing you intended.

In my brokenness, I will be made whole.

In my disillusion, I will see clearly.

In my fear, I will learn to love.

In my regret, I will learn to be grateful.

In my loneliness, I will learn to stand with my head held high.

In my sadness, I will lift my heart to the Divine.

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My stuff once again in boxes,

that “Oh! so important” stuff I can’t seem to live without.

Isn’t that the same stuff I moved last time,

in the same tiny box?

Stuff, stuff, stuff,

I’m stuffed with too much stuff!

I feel like a stuffalufugus.

Stuff happens, stuff matters, stuff you.

Hey dude, you got the stuff?

This is the wrong stuff.

Maybe, if I keep moving stuff I will finally have the right stuff?

It’s all just stuff!

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Enamored by embers stealing power from shadows that attempt to run and hide.

I ask of this fiery persuasion, may there be a way to silence the Anger in me?

You can, but you have to let the anger be.

Fires receive such tempestuous confessions that it makes the rage subside.

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July 25, 1969

5:11 in the AM

Cancer, Leo, Sagittarius

I burn the water some more

No one is ever ready for what’s in store

Still I amaze the fundamentally inquisitive and scare the weak of will

At the same time,

Often seeking wisdom to confound….

I am never found without rhyme……

A fragile work of Art

A surrealist slandering sublime interpretations upon substrates so futile and frenetic.

Dare I ask of myself, to offer such sweet nectarines of subtle sadness and to place them in dreamscapes

which I dare to defy gravities pull towards infinite abyss; do I dare to cast one last wish ?

I just ask to be like these rocks, changed by creator alone and living longer than man.

Risk has too many mouths to feed

to simplify is what I need.

I find myself again at square one,

I think I’ll stay here this time and attempt not to run.

I’m Aristotle in a bottle.

Socrates in a Jar.

I’m Plato if your on your way to Pleiades

I’m worried…cause I’ve got scabbed knees

And aiming to please has hurt me more than degrees

of multiple visional eye cried need.

Now, I seek to be more like Don Miguel Ruiz…

Or just like Jesus on his tree.

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“The day has come to spread your wings and fly…”

Things lost in the fire cannot be disguised
We must forget the past (and stay in today)
It cannot be changed anyway…now.

Pictures Entropic

Faded burst of peace,
I will always seek the light despite my grief…
I will stand on my beliefs

There are no mistakes!
The Spirit will prevail in time.
For The Great Mystery to exist,
No one can see clearly in advance…
Therefore, no man can predict his own path!”

“Morpho Rhetenor” 2005 * appears courtesy of KristineCummins http://www.kreations.net/art.shtml

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